Hi Ho Hi Ho......

Well, this is it, my final night before work.  I can't believe it's been a month since I was at work, since I saw most of my friends, since I had a full eight hours out of the house lol.  Truth be told, I'm nervous - ok, more than nervous.  I have so many people pulling for me, so many people that have been by my side, my strength, my support, everything, and I'm so scared that I will let them down.  I am afraid that I will walk in tomorrow and my body won't have changed enough to make them proud.  I know there are changes, I see them, I feel them, I know they are there, but what if nobody else does?  I also understand that I am doing this for me, not everybody else, and that's great and I agree, but I still don't want to let anyone down.  In my heart of hearts I know this is my journey, my path, my success, and my failures - that is reality - but there is something to be said for the people that are there for you, that are with you through thick and thin, good days and bad, no matter what.  There is power there, and joy, and love, and gratefulness, and I don't want to disappoint any of them -  I don't want them to feel like all of their time and energy was for nothing, because it has meant the world to me.  I have made some major steps in the past weeks.  I am walking over three miles now, all uphill, which is huge!  I used to walk so much more than that, and do it faster, but I don't beat myself up - I know that I am making progress and that changes are happening - baby steps.  I also ordered the beach body at home system so that I can work out at home on the days that I can't get to the gym.  Along with that, I have a friend that sells yoli and another several that use it and love it, so I am going to jump on the wagon and try that along with all of the other changes I am making.  It looks amazing and every little bit is worth it.  It's funny the things that I struggle with still, things you don't think about.  My stomach is too small for me to eat too much at once, but that doesn't mean that I can't eat anything I want - at least try to and see if it makes me sick.  So, there are times that I have to really pay attention to what I'm about to put into my body.  Thankfully, most things that used to be my weakness don't appeal to me any longer, but other things do.  I'm not big on sugar, as a matter of fact I have to water down apple juice because it's too sweet for me, but I still love bread which I'm not supposed to eat because it is difficult to digest.  I also have always had something to drink while I'm eating, but if I do that now it makes my stomach hurt, so I have to be careful.  My biggest struggle, however, is making sure I take the proper amount of time to eat my meals and that I chew them as completely as possible.  I have to take at least 30 minutes to eat anything, but that is much harder than it sounds.  I think part of it comes from working in restaurants for so long.  When you have food, especially hot food, you eat it as quickly as you can before it gets cold or you run out of time or a table needs you, whatever.  So you learn to eat fast, without much chewing if possible - which brings up my second stumbling block.  I have to chew food until it is almost liquid...trust me, that sounds way easier than it is - if you ever get really bored try it sometime - it's more difficult that you would think.  I am getting there though.  Slower bites, longer meals, more exercise, extra water, it's all coming into place - not as quickly as I would like, but I am getting there.  This whole thing is a process, one that is taking will power, energy, prayers, and a little luck, and it will be a life long process - but it will all be worth it when I can run with my girls without gasping for breath.  After work tomorrow I am going to the gym and then I will write and let you know how my first day back is.  Until then, thank you for reading and stay safe!!