weigh ins and bra shopping

Hi everyone!  First and foremost, let me say thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, juju, and patience.  This has been quite an eventful several weeks and, at times, I have felt like my world has been spinning out of control.  The fact that you are reading this, especially after such a long time since my last post, is a true testament to how blessed I am and how many people I have supporting and loving me.  There are truly no words to describe how grateful I am, and simply saying thank you just doesn't seem adequate.  Please know that you have all stamped my heart and I thank god every day for each one of you!!!


Now....on to updates....

First and foremost, as most of you know, I had my official weigh in two weeks ago.  It was supposed to be almost a month ago, but I that was the week that I was in the hospital so it didn't happen.  If you go back to my first blog, you will remember that I revealed my weight there - and that was momentous for me.  I vowed that day I would stop hiding my weight, stop running from it, and put it out there for everybody to see - and it's time to do that again.  The day of my weigh in I was more than anxious, to say the least.  Joe and I had been taking bets about how much I had lost and what I weighed now and I wanted to know which one of us was right.  Along with the flutter of excitement you feel, there is also a knot in your stomach that is palpable.  What if you step on that scale and you haven't lost enough?  What if your doctor gets mad because you aren't making the right progress?  What if you let down everybody that is behind you and supporting you?  I actually had nightmares that I got on the scale and my doctor shook his head, told me I was hopeless, and sent me away.  To say it can be traumatic is an understatement - you are filled with so much excitement and apprehension that you feel like you are coming apart at the seams.

We got to the doctors office - it was in a different building this time so I got a little lost - and waited to be called back.  When the nurse finally called us back I could feel my stomach flutter; and, as she was leading us, I was emptying my pockets of everything and anything I could find (logic tells me that receipt from the gas station isn't going to make a difference, but why chance it?)  We get to the scale and I slowly step on, scared to look at what numbers will appear.  I kept my eyes straight ahead for a few seconds - some of you may remember that I wouldn't even look at the scale the last time I was at the doctor - before finally glancing down to take in my fate.  The numbers jumped off the scale at me and the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them "you're shitting me, right??!!??"  I looked again, this time taking it in, one number at a time, forcing myself to believe what I was seeing.  On March 26, 2013, moments before surgery, I weighed 323 lbs, not my heaviest but nothing I was proud of either.  Now, May 15, 2012, less than two months after I had my gastric sleeve, I was staring at a number I never expected...265!!!!  Can you believe that??  Two hundred and sixty five pounds!!  I had lost 58 lbs in less than 8 weeks.  All of my clothes were huge on me, I knew - my pants didn't stay up (neither did my panties), my bras were too loose, my shirts looked like I could fit an extra person with me - but I wasn't expecting 265.  I felt like I had succeeded, like I had accomplished something for the first time in years.  Since them I have lost 11 more pounds and I continue to lose.  It was like that number, that progress, gave me a new purpose.  It showed me that I am doing things right, that I am finally getting somewhere, that I am well on my way to being healthier and happier, and I needed it more than words can describe.

                                                                     ME AT 265 :)!!!

Some parts about losing so much weight are amazing - other parts are both frustrating, and embarrassing. Let's start with the bra shopping, shall we??  They warn you that as you drop drastic amounts of weight your breasts will get smaller, both cup size and around your chest, and I was good with that - kind of happy about it actually.  I have always been large in that area and they can get in the way.  The girls make my back hurt, they don't sit right, gravity doesn't even matter - after three children and sheer size alone they will never be back where they belong - bras are impossible to find and when I do they are ridiculously expensive, it drives me nuts!  I held on to my larger bras for as long as I could until I just couldn't take it anymore, they had gotten to the point that I may as well not wear one, so we were off to go bra shopping.  How many of you have even been measured for a bra?  I have a couple of times, but not for years, and I had forgotten just how - shall we say personal - it is.  I am standing, topless, in the fitting room with this random stranger.  She wraps her arms around me to loop the measuring tape around all of me then fits it snugly underneath both breasts.  Once she decided what size I needed she rushed off and got me several options.  Thinking I would finally have some privacy I eagerly reached for them to try on - teach me to think.  She proceeds to come back into the dressing room with me while I put the first bra on.  At this point she begins lifting, stuffing, shifting, poking, pulling, and prodding the girls into the bra to make sure they are sitting correctly and it fits correctly.  Let me just say, for the record, if the girls are going to get that much attention then you should at least buy me dinner first.  It was insane!!  All of this so I can spend too much money on a piece of fabric that I would get arrested for wearing in public - makes total sense to me.  We finally settled on two bras (I am losing weight too quickly to buy more than that) and made our hasty escape.  I decided to avoid jeans for now - my jeans average eighty dollars because I'm so tall, so I am going to make do with what I have until I have no choice - so thankfully I didn't have to try anything else on.  Thankfully, with all of that, I did find two bras that fit perfectly and that make me feel amazing and sexy, so I guess it was all worth it.

I have bored all of you enough for one evening.  I will write again tomorrow, and I think we are going to talk about some of the things that you can't prepare for before having this surgery - the good and the bad.  As always, if you have any questions or anything you would like me to talk about, please let me know and we will discuss it here.  Until tomorrow, have a great night, stay safe, and thank you for reading!!!  <3  <3

PS - the bras are already too big
xoxo